The core of it is, you can be a good person, doing things that seem reasonable from your perspective, and still be part of a problem.
One of the first problems is when you don’t talk about your preexisting expectations up front.
People can actually be perpetuating unhealthy, dysfunctional standards and practices while being completely unaware that they are part of the problem.
If anyone has ever described the idea of societal privilege to you, it’s kinda like that.
These are so common that people who have seen this play out before will often have a strong, negative reaction to your initial introduction before you have shared any details. My goal with this article is to lay out why these people had the reaction they did, why it was so strong (!
), and what you can do to get what you want without creating dysfunctional relationships and hurting people.
There are so many pitfalls and traps here, that we can more than adequately explain the outrage from our zealous forum denizens.