There will always be another excuse, another mistake, another relapse, another addiction or anger about a parent’s addiction that they need their lifetime and yours to get over. When my husband first relapsed after his mother died, my well-meaning Christian father told me to “just love him.” But that’s the problem with the addict; the more you love, the more they take of you and everything else, until there’s nothing left to give. While most other people tried to be polite, or pray for me, their comments seemed to gently gloss over what was actually happening. I can do better.” Instead, I stayed, w—a—y too long. Both the addict and the co-dependent will do anything to hide their sense of inadequacy.
I realized over the years I had become less of myself. When someone doesn’t fit into the perceived notion of what an addict is, it’s hard for people to know what to say. There is nobody that tries harder at being “normal” than an alcoholic and his/her family.
That rejection doesn't hurt anymore—we're both doing the other a favor.
If you are the biggest whiskey fan out there and need to be able to share that with your girlfriend, that's awesome. make the first move, I suggest a something else: walk in the park (a FREE date! I have a list of alternative non-drinking dates: walk in the park, walk in a museum, dinner, dessert, coffee, outdoor concert, outdoor film, botanical garden, ice skating, rollerskating, picnic, cook dinner together, everything you do in the afternoon besides boozy brunch, basically.
” We must remember to trust our instincts and not wait for the people in our lives to change.
While I have seen some wonderful transformations in Alcoholics Anonymous, the statistics are not promising and I would not place any bets for my future on another addict.
Restaurants are not exactly big on separate checks, but I'm not exactly big on paying for your drinks. Drunk people are really fun to interact with until they hit that certain point...."Dating sober is that very same experience, just one person at a time.
In my case, there were months of lying about his sobriety when I just wasn’t sure whether he was drinking or not.
Had I begun the list sooner, instead of listening to the words I so wanted to believe, I would have saved myself at least a year of heartbreak.
A When he's drinking and I'm not: This actually hasn't been a problem for me.
Some guys don't drink out of courtesy for me (or their wallet, because why spend the money if you're just drinking alone? A dude will usually have one glass of wine or beer with dinner, at most, but if they do get drunk, I just proceed with caution (and usually, point them in the direction of the subway and their apartment).
And when you are with an alcoholic, you are used to suffering in silence as the martyr, wondering why the alcoholic does what s/he does. This included that he did not go to my grandfather’s funeral, he did not come home all night long, and he brought cocaine into our home.